What You Really Really Want: A Smart Guide to Sex and Safety
By Pure Pleasure Shop | Sex Toys, Lube & Shameless Sex | Published: 2026-10-29
Category: How-to Guides
Jaclyn Friedman's shame-free guide helps you define your own sexual identity with practical advice on consent, pleasure, and navigating modern dating safely.
Quick Answer
For a practical, shame-free approach to understanding your own desires and staying safe, start with Jaclyn Friedman's What You Really Really Want, a guide that helps you define your sexual identity on your own terms.
Why This Guide Stands Out
Most sex education books either lecture or leave you with more questions. What You Really Really Want takes a different path: it names the mixed messages we all grew up with and gives you tools to cut through them. Instead of telling you what to do, it helps you figure out what you actually want and how to ask for it.
The book is co-edited by Jaclyn Friedman, known for the Yes Means Yes anthology, so it's grounded in a consent-first, pleasure-positive perspective. It's not just about avoiding risk; it's about building the confidence to enjoy sex on your terms.
Who This Book Is For
This guide is aimed at young women and anyone navigating the confusing, hypersexualized landscape of modern dating. If you've ever felt pressured to act sexy but judged when you do, or if you're unsure how to set boundaries without feeling like a buzzkill, this book speaks directly to that experience.
It's also a great resource for partners or parents who want to understand the pressures young people face today. The tone is accessible and empowering, not academic, so it's easy to read in a weekend.
Your Top Questions, Answered
- How does this book help me define my own sexual identity?
- It walks you through recognizing the cultural pressures and double standards that shape your feelings, then gives you exercises to clarify what you genuinely want in bed and in relationships. Set aside 30 minutes to do the journal prompts in the first chapter before moving on.
- Does it cover practical safety tips for dating?
- Yes, the book addresses navigating the dangerous parts of modern dating, from hookup culture to recognizing red flags, with an emphasis on communication and consent as your primary safety tools. Before your next date, write down two boundaries you want to communicate clearly.
- Is this book only for young women?
- While it's written with young women in mind, anyone who wants a shame-free, consent-positive approach to sex education will find value. It's also a useful read for partners or parents who want to understand these pressures. If you're reading it as a partner, discuss one insight with your partner to deepen mutual understanding.
Related Product
- What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl's Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety: Jaclyn Friedman's guide gives young women the tools to decipher the modern world's confusing, hypersexualized, sometimes dangerous landscape so they can define their own sexual identity. This means you get a practical framework for making your own choices about sex and safety, rather than following someone else's rules.
What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl's Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety
